Today --

Just came back from a friend's dinner in Alabang.

In her e-mail invitation, she mentioned that it was a thanksgiving dinner and she just wanted to spend an evening with her friends.

What was strange was people came bearing gifts and greeting her "happy birthday" -- I got her something also -- I know it's not her birthday, but what does one say in the card? What we decided to write was "We're happy that you're happy."

And I am -- really, really happy for her. She deserves to be happy and I'm glad that she is. She came down to greet her guests in a bright yellow top -- an apt color for the evening.

We had a great dinner and conversation with people and then it was time for her to speak. She spoke of all the things that she's achieved and how grateful she is to have been given a chance to do them.

As she spoke, I was in awe of the glow that emanated from her -- my friend was really, really happy and I couldn't help but be emotional (in a good way) over it.

When she spoke, I remembered why I was friends with her (we both wanted to be teachers; we share the same level of faith, etc.) and I remembered all my plans and dreams as well.

There are some that I haven't done yet and some that I have --

One of the greatest, most satisfying things in my life is that I am a teacher -- the work is demanding and tedious and stressful -- but it is home. Last semester, I had some friends complaining about their circumstances and I really couldn't relate because I was finally given my dream job.

Seriously -- my ultimate dream in life was to teach in Ateneo. During the first semester, I thought I had reached the peak of that realization ... and then they gave me literature during the second semester. Wow -- heaven. ^_^

Of the things I haven't done yet is to share myself with others through volunteer work -- I really took it seriously when Ateneo said that I should be a person for others -- and I want to be.

But I haven't yet --

Part of me despairs because of the many missed opportunities, but part of me is reassured that there is still time for me to do all that.

Here's to you, my dear dear friend -- you never fail to inspire and move me.

* * *

Edna St. Vincent Millay --

I wrote about her long, long ago about some of her poems that I liked.

I am delighted to discover a few more --

Dirge Without Music

I am not resigned to the shutting away of loving hearts in the hard ground.
So it is, and so it will be, for so it has been, time out of mind:
Into the darkness they go, the wise and the lovely. Crowned
With lilies and with laurel they go; but I am not resigned.

Lovers and thinkers, into the earth with you.
Be one with the dull, the indiscriminate dust.
A fragment of what you felt, of what you knew,
A formula, a phrase remains,—but the best is lost.

The answers quick and keen, the honest look, the laughter, the
love,—
They are gone. They are gone to feed the roses. Elegant and curled
Is the blossom. Fragrant is the blossom. I know. But I do not
approve.
More precious was the light in your eyes than all the roses in the
world.

Down, down, down into the darkness of the grave
Gently they go, the beautiful, the tender, the kind;
Quietly they go, the intelligent, the witty, the brave.
I know. But I do not approve. And I am not resigned.

*

Sonnets 04: Only Until This Cigarette Is Ended

Only until this cigarette is ended,
A little moment at the end of all,
While on the floor the quiet ashes fall,
And in the firelight to a lance extended,
Bizarrely with the jazzing music blended,
The broken shadow dances on the wall,
I will permit my memory to recall
The vision of you, by all my dreams attended.
And then adieu,—farewell!—the dream is done.
Yours is a face of which I can forget
The color and the features, every one,
The words not ever, and the smiles not yet;
But in your day this moment is the sun
Upon a hill, after the sun has set.